28 Feb 2019

Understanding Meta-Emotion

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Understanding Meta-Emotion

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw “We don’t communicate,” is the #1 reason that couples seek help. Usually, each partner blames the other for not “getting it”. Blaming someone else for your own dissatisfaction is a roadblock in general.  However, when it comes […]

10 Oct 2018

Embracing the Awkwardness

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Embracing the Awkwardness

A childhood friend recently posted a photo on Facebook of our “girl squad” from middle school. As I looked at the expression on my face, it was clear how unsure I felt at the time. I had a visceral memory of how uncomfortable it was to trying to join this group of girls who already […]

8 Jun 2018

What can you let go of?

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What can you let go of?

I was recently reminded of an ancient fable that teaches us about what we hold on to and whether or not that serves us. The story takes place in ancient China where, apparently, there was a monkey problem. To set a trap for the monkeys, the villagers cut a narrow opening into a coconut and […]

8 May 2018

Has your Mental Load Become Too Heavy?

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Has your Mental Load Become Too Heavy?

Don’t you love it when a buzzword perfectly describes your experience! The most recent buzzword that seems to have struck a collective nerve is “mental load.” Mental load refers to all the mental work–the organizing, preparation, and planning etc.–that you do to manage your life, your household and your kids. Mental load is real and […]

3 Sep 2017

Do You Run Your Life on Routines or Reactions?

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Well, it’s unofficial. Summer is over. Yes, I know that it doesn’t technically end until September 22, but Labor Day weekend is the psychological end of summer. Time to switch gears and get prepared for the school year. Some of us greet the new school year with dread—homework, packed schedules, the days getting shorter and […]

3 May 2017

Are You Stuck In Your Own Virtual Reality?

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  When I was a teen, my mom used to say to me, “Melissa, you may be wrong but you’re never in doubt.” I never really understood what that meant but I knew she was saying she’d had enough and I should stop trying to convince her that I was right–about everything.   Like most kids, […]

6 Apr 2017

Is it time to create a “new normal?”

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“Sometimes, I wish I was a celebrity,” Lisa said as she walked in to my office. She explained that she wasn’t interested fame or materialism.  She was jealous of the celebrities who were being treated for exhaustion.   Lisa was stuck in a vicious cycle.  She knew intellectually that if she didn’t do something to take […]

2 Nov 2016

Are You Always Exhausted?

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Have you noticed that feeling exhausted is now the common cold of the human condition? We act like it’s not that debilitating. We pretend it doesn’t really negatively affect the people around us. We think that we don’t have to do anything about it and it will eventually resolve itself. Exhaustion and depletion are not […]

3 May 2016

Not Enough Time for Self-Care? I’ve Got the Solution for You.

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In social work school, students are taught you don’t need to have the same experience as your clients in order to help them. After all, I have treated plenty of heroin addicts without ever using the drug.   But there is one area where, looking back, I just didn’t get it: parenthood. Until I became […]

5 Apr 2016

The #1 Question That Brings People to Therapy

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Three months ago, Suzanne asked the question that brings most people to counseling: “Is there hope?” She wanted to know if there was hope for her marriage. She and her husband, Jake, just couldn’t see eye to eye anymore. There was a growing sense of disconnection and they didn’t know how to bridge the gap. With […]