I am seeing an alarming trend in modern marriages. It seems the “new normal” is a pattern of benign neglect of the relationship.
Sure, we say our loved ones are our first priority but our actions speak louder than words.
We focus our energy and attention on never-ending to do lists, fueled by our own unrelenting standards. Couples may say that everything is basically fine, that they are adjusting to the demands of their hectic lives. On further exploration, though, it is clear that they haven’t felt really connected for some time. There is a sense of emotional disengagement, not necessarily conflict. Couples worry about fighting, but the most common reason given for divorce is a gradually growing apart. So you see, neglect is simply not benign, at least not for a long, happy relationship.
Couples wish with nostalgia for “how it used to be.” In early love:
- We are curious about each other, even about the most mundane aspects of life.
- We want to share an feeling of deeply knowing each other each other’s inner world.
- We crave connection and find a way to be fully present for each other everyday, even if we are tired.
As our relationships progress into later stages of love, we naturally widen this singular focus to include many other demands of our energy and attention. However, if we allow ourselves to be so tapped out by everything we have to do, the connection we build in early love might not be there waiting for us when we are ready to reconnect.
Couples don’t necessarily know how to maintain connected relationships and there is a great deal of misinformation out there. We hear repeatedly that scheduling a “date night” is a key ingredient to keeping relationships strong, but people seem to be confused about what a date night is.
That is why I am starting a NO-EXCUSES Date Night Revolution!
Because I want you to have NO EXCUSES, I have created a simple solution: a video series called “Questions For Connection.”
Sign up for the series and a very short video (3 minutes or less) will arrive in your inbox every friday for 6 weeks. Each video is a conversation starter. At some point over the week, watch the video together and have a chat. You will be amazed at how easy it is to rekindle that connected feeling.
A strong relationship is built on a foundation of connection but maintaining it doesn’t have to be a big to do. These small moments, of curiosity and sharing, is the way intimacy and trust are sustained.
I sincerely hope you will join the revolution. All you have to do is click here.