I’ll never forget what my Social Psychology professor told me the first day of class: Social Psychology proves theories that most of us already know to be true.
Once again, a social psychologist, Eli Finkel of Northwestern University, has proven the obvious: Happy Marriages Take Work.
If you’re curious about the backstory of this research, read on. If not, click here.
Historically, marriage for the early Americans was an institutional partnership born out of utility. The purpose of marriage revolved around food production, shelter and protection from violence. Emotional connection was a bonus, not a requirement.
With the Industrial Revolution came a revolution of marriage in America. With our basic needs being met more easily, marriage increasingly revolved around meeting our emotional needs. In essence, we had the luxury of focusing on love, companionship, and intimacy.
Since the 1960’s, American marriages have reflected the values individualism and self-esteem. We now look at marriage as a vehicle for greater personal fulfillment. We not only want to be in love with our spouse, we want to bring out the best in each other so what marriage actually makes us better people.
Finkel and his colleagues have proven what we already know. They conclude, “Americans have elevated their expectations of marriage and can, in fact, achieve and unprecedented level of marital quality-but only if they are able to invest a great deal of time and energy in their partnership. If they are not able to do so, their marriage will likely fall short of these new expectations.”
The problem is not that Americans are unaware that happy marriages take work. The problem is that they don’t know HOW to do the work.
That’s why I love coaching couples.
My role as a coach is to teach you new skills and motivate you to incorporate those skills into your daily life.
We start with creating a vision for your relationship. We will look objectively at where you and your partner are in your relationship and where you want to go. Finally, we will construct a custom-designed map to help you achieve the relationship you always hoped for.
If you feel like your marriage has gotten off-track, I can help. Putting in the effort now is absolutely an investment in your future happiness and fulfillment. What could be more valuable than that?