Help Is Not a Four Letter Word…Well, You Know What I Mean

Posted on Jun 5, 2013
Help-520x437      I absolutely love my job.  I know that every time I sit with a client, I am living my purpose  to help others resolve and move past the pain and create the lives they really want.  However, there are moments when I am counseling my clients and I realize, I need to take my own advice.  I noticed this recently surrounding the issue of asking for help.

     Because I am in private practice, my responsibilities extend well past my interaction with clients.  I am also my bookkeeper, website designer, administrative assistant, marketing team, writer, IT department, graphic designer etc.  On the one hand, I take a lot of pride in the fact that I have created my own website, newsletters etc.  It was a new way to express my creativity and, with my new computer, it was easy and kind of fun.

However, I need to make some changes to make them more functional.  I won’t get into the technical details but suffice it to say that every time I sit down and to make the necessary changes, I am filled with overwhelm and dread.

     Like many of you, I have internalized the messages that it is good to be self-sufficient. Messages like, “If you want something done right you should do it yourself.”  Or “if you need help you are admitting you are not as strong, smart, capable etc. as you want to seem.” The message that I really needed to listen to is, “Just because I can figure out how to do it but that does not mean I should.”

     I need to balance my impulse to be self-sufficient with the reality that revamping my website is a job for someone else.  Now, I have a what most people would consider a valid reason for hiring someone because it is an investment in my business, and after all my training is psychotherapy, not web design or search engine optimization. I am  not going to hide behind the shield of work to justify my decision to delegate.  My valid reason is that it is no longer my pleasure to do it, it takes time away from my children, and while I could learn the technical skills, every time I sit down to teach myself I feel totally overwhelmed.

Here are some telltale signs you need to ask for help:
1.  You dread certain tasks to the point of mental paralysis.
2.  You tell yourself that by the time you tell someone else to do this task, you could do it yourself.
3.  You are envious or judgmental of people who do have the help they need.
4.  You don’t have time to do the things that you really enjoy or you don’t have time for self-care.

Of course, many of our most dreaded tasks cannot be delegated to others. When this is the case, an accountability partner can be just the help we need.  An accountability partner is someone who helps by keeping you focused on your goals by checking on your progressSharing your goals and struggles makes the experience less overwhelming and provides an ally to call upon when you are faced with fear, obstacles or setbacks.


     We all must quiet the inner critic that pushes us to deny or justify our need for help. Needing help in one area does not diminish your genius in other areas.  Maybe you are an incredible mom who hates cooking but feels inadequate whenever you order in.  Maybe you are a great salesperson but you hate doing your expenses so you procrastinate.  Maybe you are an amazing artist but when it comes to selling your work you are filled with self doubt about your talent. There is no shame in asking for help.  It is what smart, strong people do to maximize their resources.