Here is what the disappointment sounds like:
“Ugh! Why do I have to ____________________? It’s my mother’s day too. Shouldn’t I get to spend it how I want? I work my ass off to be a good mom and I deserve to be to appreciated–or at least acknowledged!”
Often the challenge lies in the fact that we are mothers to own children and our own mother’s daughter. Which role do we want to act from?
Mother’s Day is no picnic for dads either. Our husbands are in a double bind because they struggle to honor both their own mother and the mother of their children.
So what’s at play here? Why is this day so conflicted?
The answer I usually hear is GUILT.
Let’s be honest. It’s tough to tell your own mother, “Hey, Mom. Thanks for all you did for me but now it’s my turn.”
Even when you know you deserve to get what you want, it still feels kind of crappy.
What’s a mom to do?
Here is my challenge to you (I’m giving you a month to complete it). Make some time to think about Mothers Day. How do you want it to be?
Write down your thoughts as specifically as possible. Then sit down with your husband to talk about what you can actually make happen.
You will probably be able to get your needs met without blowing your mom off completely.
Here are two examples of solutions I developed with my clients to ensure they would feel honored this Mothers Day.
1. Sally was resentful that she always had to spend most of the day with her mother and mother-in-law. All she really wanted to do was spend some time alone and some time with her friends who are also “in the trenches” of new motherhood. The solution was to have a girl’s night out on Saturday before Mothers Day and then spend some time alone in the morning on the day itself. By the time she saw her mother and mother-in-law, she had already recharged her own battery.
2. Jane has recently lost her mother and felt that she couldn’t possibly be happy on Mother’s Day because of her loss. She felt she had to go to the cemetery to honor her mother that day. The rest of the day would be spent at her mother-in-law’s home, which only intensified her feelings of sadness. The simple solution we developed was to celebrate her own Mothers Day on a different day, one that was not conflicted at all. This year Jane will spend the Tuesday after Mothers Day at a spa because what she wanted more than anything was to feel pampered.
Life is a lot happier when we create it for ourselves, rather than react to the forces around us.
After all, we are not chess pieces being moved around the board of life without our permission.
Take the opportunity this Mothers Day to let yourself explore what you really want and share it with your husband. You may be surprised how easy it is to make this Mothers Day a day that is actually for you.