Revolution, not resolution

A New Year’s resolution is basically a declaration of your intentions.  The most common resolutions involve working on yourself:  living a healthier lifestyle, being more organized, getting a new job, etc.

Here’s the problem:  Most of us choose our resolutions from a lack mindset.  They are often focused on areas of our lives where we feel like a failure.

What if we skip the unrelenting standards and the striving for perfection this year?  (Please don’t say, “I’m not a perfectionist, I just want to be as good as I can be.”  That’s just rationalized perfectionism).

We say that our loved ones are our first priority, but our actions speak louder than our words.  After all, what do you think will have the biggest impact in your life—tighter abs or closer relationships?

Forget the resolutions.  I want a love revolution.

I firmly believe that when people feel loved, they have the security to become who they are meant to be.  Feeling loved gives us the ability to love others.  Feeling love makes us happier, healthier, and more resilient.

Unfortunately, couples don’t necessarily know how to keep the spark of love going in their relationships.  They fall into a pattern where they know they love each other but they don’t necessarily feel the love.  This is especially true when we become parents and that fierce love of parenting takes center stage.

Couples are told to add romance, plan dates nights, maybe even a weekend away together.  These are all great but what really keeps us connected is the smaller gestures of love that you might not pick up on.

I have been working with several of my couples coaching clients to teach them how to train themselves to notice these moments and label them as love.

Here are some of the moments they noticed:

“She put my coffee in a to-go cup for me before she left for the day because she knew I was running late.”

“I thought we were running errands but he dropped me off at the spa for a manicure he had scheduled.”

“I told my wife I was having a rough day at work.  Before I came home, she took out the trash and recycling, even though it was pouring rain.  She said she wanted me to be able to relax the minute I got home.”

“We looked at each other across a room and I felt so connected in that moment, knowing we are here for each other.”

Life has all the meaning we give it. When we choose to see kind or considerate gestures as an expression of love, we feel more love.

All of these couples reported feeling stronger and more confident in their relationships, more appreciative, and felt more loving with their children in just 2 weeks.

Taking love for granted is one of the most wasteful and careless things you can do.

Let’s skip the fool’s mission of striving for a more perfect self and ramp up the love.  Are you with me?